So where do I begin? I suppose I should explain why I am writing. I think I finally feel, due to certain circumstances, that it is time to get some of this stuff out into the world. Why, what purpose would it serve? Good question. I dont think it is for me to simply bash my mother or her actions, although that certainly will occur, rather I think it is for me to better understand it all, to frame it in a way that make sense, to me at least.
So wait what are you talking about here. Well, I believe, after years of therapy that my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD (so I dont have to keep spelling that one). What is BPD? Well its kind of like bipolar or manic depression except that instead of going from really really happy to really really sad you go from really really calm to thermonuclear lose your mind fucking angry. Sometimes for no reason other then someone disagreed with you about what restaurant to eat at or how cold it is outside. So essentially if you live around these people you have to walk on egg shells because you never know what will set them off.
So there you have it. The beginning is that my mother has BPD, in my humble opinion, and it affected me in a very profound and very negative way. So how did she get it, how did it affect me exactly, what am I doing about it now, how do I know she has this, and a myriad of other questions that I feel I need to address. However now is not that time. I want to do this in bite size chunks, little bite size chunks, in the hopes that I dont get bored or boring with this. My intention, besides helping me, is to give you some insight into me and hopefully help someone that has gone through similar experiences. So stay tuned. If nothing else, it will be interesting.
Until then, always remember that you are able to respond to any situation in any way that you chose. Just because someone or something typically makes you angry doesnt meant that you have to respond the way you normally do. You are responsible for your feelings as well as your actions. So take charge of your feelings and try to make them positive, for your sake and your loved ones.